I'm feeling pretty worthless right now. I failed Pastor Rich, who told me during our wedding day "She's one of mine. I want you to keep her happy, cherish her. She's one of mine". And I couldn't do it. My only job was to make Julie happy, and i failed. It should have been easy. Making people happy is what I do. I thought I was good at it. Somewhere I failed, I failed her family, and mine. Everyone loved Julie. When and if I get through this I'm just going to stay alone. I'm looking forward to the therapy if I can just hang in there 'till the 15th. If I can get well, and stop this depression I'm in I can maybe manage to face life alone.
On the plus side, I did get a job offer out in Michigan already so maybe I'll move. All I have to do is call them back and accept the job and I'm gone. Out of here. I have to think on that some more. Moving, would mean I give up on Julie because I know she won't move. I wish to GOD I knew what she wanted. I wish to God she would talk to me. Tell me is it really over? Does she not love me? Does she still love me? What does she want? Is there someone else or not? I have too many unanswered questions, and no one will tell me the answers. What. Are they trying to spare me the hurt? HAH! What could possibly hurt worse than what I'm going through in my own mind imagining the answers to these questions myself.
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Dan, hang in there. what you are feeling is normal, I am glad you are letting your feelings out - keeping them bottled inside would be the worst thing you could do. Don't forget about your #1 resources - your FRIENDS. Good friends are like stars. You don't always see them, but you always know they are there.
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