No Regrets
Category: Blogging
This is dedicated to Julie, my wife and life partner for the last 13 years.
Knowing how this ended, what if I were given the chance to go back in time and do things differently, to avoid this pain. Would I? No. I do not regret knowing and loving Julie. The 13 years we spent together were the happiest times of my life. I can't remember a joyous and happy time in my past that did not involve Julie. This sounds trite, but until her I did not know what true love really was. She has showed me a love so powerful and deep that having it taken from me nearly killed me. I would not trade one minute of our time together for anything else. Together we built a life and a relationship others could only dream about and envy. In fact, most people did envy us. We were that good together. Every one of our friends told me "If there's one couple that would last forever its Dan and Julie." I loved showing her all my dreams and joys and exploring new things that we'd come to love. Discovering Manneheim Steamroller Christmas CD's together, they fast became a staple of our holiday season. She loved it as much as I do. We fell in love to the music of Yngwie Malmsteen, Nightwish, Within Temptation, After Forever, the list goes on and on. I don't know anyone else that so totally understands me, and loves so many of the things I love. We were soulmates, and I believe everyone only has one soulmate and Julie is mine. So completely in sync with each other that I don't know where I end and she begins. We could read each others minds at times. No, I don't regret anything at all. In fact, I thank God every day for giving me the time I had with her. Together we saw so many wonderful things, went so many places, met so many wonderful people. We faced trials and adversities together that would cripple many people and came through them stronger than ever in our love and in our faith in each other. I will miss very much our holiday travels together, her kisses each morning as she left for work, the way she pounced on my bed on fridays when I slept in and said "Lets go get dumpling soup!" and I would give anything to hear her tell me she loves me one last time. Julie was my best friend, I fell in love with and married my best friend. Things like that are supposed to last a lifetime. But somehow, along the way I failed. I only had one thing to do, to make her happy and somehow I failed. I failed my family, her family, and myself. I'm not sure how it happened, but I've lost the bets friend, best lover, and most loving and loyal person I've ever known and until I can sort out how it happened I can't go forward and risk losing anyone else. 2 months have gone by, almost to the day and I still cry every day at least once or twice. It just isn't getting any easier. I only wish it weren't so permanent. I wish it were only a separation that I could see in the future and ending to it and us reuniting, but it isn't so. One thing I'm very good at is taking all the blame onto myself, so that's what I do even if it isn't healthy. This is the last time I will write on this topic, because I think I've said all I can on it. Julie, wherever you are, and whether or not you see this, I wish you nothing but happiness and love. I'm sorry that I couldn't be what you needed or what you were searching for, but neither do I want to keep you from finding it. I hope that someday, you will remember me with fondness and find some happy memories to draw from our time together, because there were many of them that I can remember. And I have only fond memories of you.
2 comments:
Hate to say this but 13 years together is just 13 years together.
Happy, sad, whatever, it doesn't erase what's happened the last 3 months and when my wife left, she left 5 times and it wasn't until the last time that I said, "Ya know, screw that bitch!"
Ironically, that's when I was able to see things clearly. I hate to say it but my observation is if there are any lawyers involved at all then your feelings aren't going to matter one damn bit.
I mean seriously dude, is she REALLY worth all this? I mean weigh what she's doing now and ask yourself that question because I don't need to know her or even you to honestly say "HELL NO!"
Think about it. Isn't there SOMETHING you wanted to do that you'd most likely not do because you were married? If you can figure those out then GO DO THEM! Time to start finding the positives and stop letting one person own your ass.
I agree with most of that. But in regards to things I can now do that I couldn't when we were married, not so much. She never stood in the way of anything I wanted to do. In fact pretty much anything I wanted to do, she was instrumental in helping me do those things. What I am not going to do though, is dwell on that subject any longer. that was pretty much the last entry that would speak on that subject. From here on out its all about the moving on.
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