It never fails. I get home to this damn empty house and it hits me like a ton of bricks. The pain of being alone. She's not here, and she's all I can think about and I have no way of contacting her at all. I shouldn't contact her anyway I just need to leave her alone. Let me heal up first, then maybe she'll be receptive when/if she see's that I've taken steps to get myself healed and my problems taken care of. Now, in case you are wondering what those problems are they do not involve violence, or infidelity or abuse on my part. None of those things. They are more along the lines of my fantasy online game addiction, my inability to stop 'creating' in my head and making things seem real to myself. Later on, I really believed my wife was seeing someone. I cannot put into words how horrifically strong those feelings were/are. Right now I'm only writing to take my mind off my pain so if I ramble I apologize.
Its been 2 days since I slept, I really should try now. The hospital will be calling in the morning. -Later
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