Emptiness

  I wish I could find something to fill this emptiness inside me. I have my hobbies, I enjoy my Xbox games, I play guitar,  for all you about to jump on the church wagon, yes I have my faith. You see I don't have holes that those things can fill, because I've always had those things in my life. So I can't fill my life with more of those things I never lost. I love my job, I have the best friends in the world, I thank all of you who have shown me so much support. In all intents and purposes I'm happy, I have a full life, my finances are fine, I make more than enough to cover what I need to cover each month... but there's this huge hole in my heart where once love was, there's nothing now. I've never had this feeling before, this feeling of contentment, full of love, yet so utterly heartrendingly alone. I seldom sleep. Some nights I would trade everything I own just to be able to cling to someone 'til I could sleep. I hope that the hole doesn't become a scar that feels nothing. :(

The 2 weeks from Hell

January 7th, 2014. The day I lost the love of my life. I came home from work, and found her dead. I thought she'd just passed out on the floor, but when I went to shake her to wake her, she was cold. I called 911 and the rest of the morning was a blur of cops and coroners and interrogations. They say it was a massive heart attack. She'd had a chemical dependancy to prescription pain medications. Vicodin, Soma, 3 different anti depressants. I lost the real Ann almost 3 yrs ago. The woman who was still with me was seldom herself, but that doesn't make this emptiness hurt any less.