New post for August 30th.

It's been nearly a month. I apologize for that. I've been rebuilding my life and keeping fairly busy. My job is picking up meaning I actually get a full 40hr week this week. That is a major boost. We've been working 30hr weeks for so long that I had been so broke this month I had to sell things and beg from my aunt in California. My soon-to-be ex and her boyfriend moved to Rapid City last on the 18th. I'll never see her again, not like I had been seeing her anyway, it just feels a lot more final now. And you know what? It doesn't hurt anymore. If I wanted anyone, I could have a girlfriend right now. I actually had a girl ask me out last night, but I just have to be honest. I don't really want one after all. I am pretty sure I'm over the pain of Julie leaving me, but if I find myself getting close to anyone I get scared. Until I know why that is and deal with it I can't commit to anyone. I think I could get close to the right person maybe. I don't think the girl who told me she wants to date me is the right girl. I want someone with more common ground, someone who completely "gets me". See I don't want to just get into a relationship just to have one. I can't stand hurting people. So I'd be trapped into a relationship that I know is doomed, doing all kinds of stuff to make it work, just to not have to break up and hurt someone. So rather than go through that crap I just won't let myself get into one till I feel something. Right now I'm numb. I don't feel anything for anyone currently. Damn I'm not even really attracted to anyone, though a few weeks back I was but she was taken. I'm in no hurry though. For one I don't have any extra money to blow on dating. This divorce has taken me to the cleaners and back. It ain't even over yet. If she doesn't get off her ass and get shit done we'll end up in court. $$$$ I don't want that. Maybe I'll have papers drawn up myself. We'll see.