New post for August 30th.

It's been nearly a month. I apologize for that. I've been rebuilding my life and keeping fairly busy. My job is picking up meaning I actually get a full 40hr week this week. That is a major boost. We've been working 30hr weeks for so long that I had been so broke this month I had to sell things and beg from my aunt in California. My soon-to-be ex and her boyfriend moved to Rapid City last on the 18th. I'll never see her again, not like I had been seeing her anyway, it just feels a lot more final now. And you know what? It doesn't hurt anymore. If I wanted anyone, I could have a girlfriend right now. I actually had a girl ask me out last night, but I just have to be honest. I don't really want one after all. I am pretty sure I'm over the pain of Julie leaving me, but if I find myself getting close to anyone I get scared. Until I know why that is and deal with it I can't commit to anyone. I think I could get close to the right person maybe. I don't think the girl who told me she wants to date me is the right girl. I want someone with more common ground, someone who completely "gets me". See I don't want to just get into a relationship just to have one. I can't stand hurting people. So I'd be trapped into a relationship that I know is doomed, doing all kinds of stuff to make it work, just to not have to break up and hurt someone. So rather than go through that crap I just won't let myself get into one till I feel something. Right now I'm numb. I don't feel anything for anyone currently. Damn I'm not even really attracted to anyone, though a few weeks back I was but she was taken. I'm in no hurry though. For one I don't have any extra money to blow on dating. This divorce has taken me to the cleaners and back. It ain't even over yet. If she doesn't get off her ass and get shit done we'll end up in court. $$$$ I don't want that. Maybe I'll have papers drawn up myself. We'll see.

Update. sorry I'm late

I guess I should really write in here more often but I feel like its an audience of zero. No one cares! So I'm here at my dingy little hotel room, thinking about Christmas. Folks Christmas is 5 months away but the last 3 months have ZOOMED by. It will be upon me before I can react. I'm terribly homesick every Christmas, but I've always had Julie and could afford to drive home to Michigan for the past several of them. I had reliable transportation. This year will be the first year in probably 14 years that I have been utterly alone for the holidays. That's going to crush me. I have no chance of coming up with the 300+ dollars it will cost me to drive my huge van back to Michigan for Christmas. I can't expect them to come here either. That won't happen. Where would I put them? And at that age, make them drive in winter weather. Probably not. Julie texted she would "think about it" when I mentioned borrowing our Subaru to go home. I really doubt it, since she'll be living in Rapid City with her boyfriend by the 18th of August. I'm guessing the divorce is going to be final then but I'm not sure. She has yet to give me papers to sign or get with me to divide property. STILL. I have however, managed to go several days between messages with her, and they're more the 'hey hows it going' variety. I'm pretty much over her. For the most part. Once in a while I have a memory that causes pain and wistfullness but they're becoming much less frequent. She has every one of her friends convinced I'm the complete monster that wouldn't leave her alone. Screw 'em all. Honestly I'm sick of all the drama. Sick of the he said/she said he did/she did.. and the plethora of lies her family and friends heap on me. I don't want to talk to any of them anymore. I don't anyways. I never call any of her friends or family members and have not since probably May. WTF are they going to tell me that I didn't know from day one? Julie of course, she still maintains innocence "He's just a friend, he's just my roommate" hahahaha. A friend that she's moving across the state and quitting her job to be with. Gimme a fuc king break. A friend she is divorcing me to be with. Who's she fooling? For real? Anyway, rumors are also flying about me that aren't true. Supposedly I'm sleeping with this girl I met at the bar a few weeks ago. Now, yes I did meet someone but she has a boyfriend so I backed off. Way off. In fact I don't really talk to her. But she did call me tonight to tell me about the rumors my wife's family is spreading around. Like it concerns them anyway. I met a gal, shot a few games of pool, talked for a while and suddenly I'm having a fling. Would I hook up with her? Hell yeah. She's hotter than a forest fire. And I told her that if she found herself without a boyfriend to look me up. She pretty much ditto'd my sentiments.. But I NEVER pursue someone that's taken. Unlike other people I've grown to dislike..very very much. I guess I could think of worse people to be rumored about but what I hate is that it is causing her problems with her boyfriend. There's no need for that. I'm the bad guy? My wife has an affair and leaves me... but I'm the bad guy for just talking to someone? WTF?