Well, I have come full circle. I've chosen to move back into the tiny one room apartments that were my home during my last dark dismal time of my life. I pretty much had no choice this time, I'm in debt to my eyeballs and need to cut my expenses drastically to make it out of debt. I hope that I am in and out of here in less than a year. Last time it was about 9 months. i pray I can do this without needing anti depressants. 
Today I feel utterly abysmal. I can't stop crying and feeling like an abject failure. i know that eventually I will get back on my feet, and be able to make a life for me and the woman I love and her kids (which I also love), and I have to take comfort in that.  But still, I can't help feeling like a failure. Ann and I built something good together and I let it all go to waste. Lost it all. When I do finally dig myself out I vow to make better choices in the future.